HERE'S ONE I THOUGHT UP EARLIER

OK, here's a little thought. Might be total bollocks but at the moment i'm sticking with it. You know how there is a general concensus out there that 'true artists' can only create when they are miserable/tormented? I grew up thinking that, and i suppose most everybody else did too (hence the prevalence of black garb amongst youth of a certain age and the unrequited love directed toward bands like The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, Morrissey, etc...when you're seveneen)

Anyway, for me it was true to the extent that i only finally got serious about making music when i was in a really dark place. It was what 'saved' me at that particular time. I won't be so melodramatic as to imply that i was headed towards an overdose, or fashioning nooses out of old bedclothes in my spare time. I was merely depressed. Not enought to warrant a prescription for Zoloft, but nonetheless I was merely 'getting through the days' and wishing my life away. Nothing particularly excited me and I sought invisibility on every level. Cut myself off from former friends, dove into the imaginary world cococted by literature and film, and generally went about like a giant LOSER (this isn't a view in retrospect - i was keenly aware of how lame i was at the time and didn't give a damn).

One day i happened to wander over to the Yamaha CS1x keyboard my partner had lying around the spare room, and i absentmindedly started playing with the keys and messing around with the effects. It amused me. Then suddenly as if i'd been smacked in the face, a tuneful melody started playing inside my head, and i found myself writing a song. It later became a tune called 'Aching Hearts' (haha...sounds like it was a soppy ballad but actually it was a rather 'Pet Shop Boys-ish' sounding electro treatise against sex, violence, fame and money....but i digress)

The point i'm trying to make (and rather clumsily at that) is that music swooped back into my life just when i needed it, and i spent the next two years doing very little else but writing songs. I'd barely finish the next one when i would hurriedly move onto the next tune waiting to be made. I was exhausted and couldn't keep up with the creative assembly queue in my head sometimes. I began to go days in my pajamas, matted hair and subsisting on crunchy nut cornflakes and sweets. The curtains would stay drawn, and only occasionally would i take a break, put my feet up, and watch the world go by on the busy street outside my window. The 'real world' ceased to interest me at all. All i cared about was beats, strings, vocals and transposing the music in my head into cakewalk on my computer.

It was a huge technological learning curve and I never quite mastered it, but I did produce a lot of songs in that time - some of which are still my favourites.

Eventually I created myself into a happy place, and for awhile I resurfaced in the real world again - content somewhat and full of pride for what i'd accomplished. Even if no one had heard the songs, I enjoyed listening to them and they made me feel good.

I noticed that I had gone from extremely miserable to extremely fulfilled and had barely noticed the transition. It was easy to create in this state as well, as i was spurred on by my personal satisfaction and desire. So began the seeds of my theory:

It is easiest to create artistically when you are either miserable/tormented OR ecstatically happy/successful.

It's the land of mediocrity which saps your energy. It's rhyming the words 'love' with 'above'. It's strumming another major chord. sipping yet another cup of sugary lukewarm tea and looking out your sunny window wishing you were picnicing in the park. It's realising that you're working on an average sounding song, with average (boring) lyrics, and feeling uninspired. That's when the muse disappears and you question everything and cruise monster.com for some 'creative job' which will net you loads of cash and make you forget that you haven't produced anything worthwhile in quite some time and aren't likely to...ever again.

So maybe if you can figure out how to surf between the agony and the ecstacy you'll have it made. Or made I'm completely wrong and just ranting because it's midnight, i can't sleep and i'm loving the hypnotic tip-tapping of my brand spanking new Apple Macbook. Hmmm..