WASTED YOUTH PART 2

So i wrote that little 'rhyming thot' the other night before bed. Did it in about 5 minutes - stream of consciousness kinda thing - not meant to be 'Dylan-esque' or anything ;)

I guess i've been consumed with thoughts of regret, hindsight, nostalgia, aching for that time of no responsibility when i was only accountable to my parents. When the world was helpfully marked out in 'easy to navigate' structures: go to uni, party, discuss bollocks at great length (and rather earnestly), buy clothes, smoke fags, drink, dance dance dance, daydream, flounce around in ridiculous fashion (and fashions), travel, meet anyone and everyone, have adventures....ahh, there's the rub.

I think i've just had a 'Eureka' moment. I think that's what is bothering me these days. I crave adventure and excitement. I want to have an unguessable outcome to my days. I want to wake up and not be sure where i'm sleeping that night, who i'll see, and what i'll get up to (and no - this does not mean i hanker for homelessness...just realised i sound like a middle-class moaner).

What i'm trying to say (and not terribly well) is that i crave SOMETHING. I want to be surprised, I want to have my head turned, i want to be confounded. I want to feel that flush of wonder like i used to feel when i was really young.

In those days i felt like my future stretched endlessly out before me. I decadently put goals aside, making a mental note to get back to them when i had finished having fun and really indulging myself in every way. I travelled the world for two years, i rode a motorbike all across India, i basked in foreign sunsets, i danced years away in nightclubs, I 'played' at being an adult in various jobs and professions (everything from advertising to encyclopedia salesperson to actress to 'media babe' (haha) - my last and final professional incarnation.

Now i am (cough) an aspiring musician. I say aspiring because i reckon until I get an album out to the world that that is what i'll only ever be. It's not that i need fame or recognition to validate my music - more like i'd feel vindicated and finally feel the glow of accomplishment and satisfaction that comes from being able to eek out a living (even if it turns out to be modest) from doing what i love...and what i feel i was meant to do.

So i'll plod on...navel gazing from time to time...and hope that in the words of my wise old ma, "The best is yet to come".