WHY CAN'T I BE YOU...LALALALALALALALA

he other day I was in a department store, strolling around, ipod plugged in, minding my own business - when all the sudden I was interrupted by an over-eager, lipglossed and cherry-cheeked lass trying to block my way and gesticulating wildly. I popped out my left earphone and this rather cheeky girl asked if I wanted to try out a 'new look'. Umm...no i didn't. Why oh why do cosmetic companies hire garish looking girls to flog premium beauty products? And why on earth would I let someone who looks like a demented clown loose on MY face?

Along the same lines, I fail to see how people are taken in by chubby telly-stars flouting 'get-fit' videos. Even the ones who are working a new, 'improved' body are taking the piss given that they've either been airbrushed within an inch of their lives, have just had liposuction, or have been on a ridiculous slim-fast starvation diet and will beef up again twice as large while their dvds are still selling at Woolworths. And there will be millions of dejected suburban housewives chugging away in their front rooms, pressing rewind and munching on jaffa cakes, wondering why they're not looking like their favourite star yet?

All the magazines these days are filled with images of celebrities going about their lives with rather nice clothes, expensive sunglasses and sumptious arm candy in form of handbags costing as much as secondhand cars. Fair enough if you suffer envy once in awhile for such nonchalont wealth on parade - that's normal enough. But to envy such vacuous, trite 'celebra-sluts' their lives and personas, and try to emulate them in every way going is a bit sad methinks. I mean, all these stupid perfumes that come out (every celebrity worth their weight in botox have one) are simply a marketing tool devised to make an overpaid famous sort even MORE wealthy. The scents are rank and not a little tacky. Not the best way to relieve yourself of £29.95.

Let's get one thing straight you famous folk out there: "I do not want to smell like you, dress like you, talk like you, act like you or live your life!" Once in awhile it would be nice to have nothing more to worry about then fitting into skinny jeans and dining in public whilst consuming no more than 35 calories. But i do not buy into the fact that now you're famous I should want to BE you.

But hey - the big house, personal chef and first class flight tickets? Sure - hand 'em over.